Hi little one,
How’s it going in there? You doing okay? I can feel you kicking and squirming around quite a bit these days, so I just hope that means you’re feeling comfortable and having a good time.
People say that I should be talking to you now, trying to bond with you. They suggest that I talk to you like you’re here already, but I just can’t get my head around talking to my protruding belly, it feels so very strange. So instead of talking to you, I’ve started to write you notes. I started about 10 weeks ago, things I’m thinking about, things I notice and want to tell you about. It’s been fun; maybe someday I’ll read them to you when you’re here and on the outside.
I am so very excited to meet you, little one. I am, of course, nervous about how you will arrive and what that process will be like, but I just can’t wait to see your little face and to find out what it’s like to hold you. I am so curious to know what kind of little person you’ll be and who you will grow up to become. I can’t wait to see your character emerge, your likes and dislikes, your temperament. I can’t wait to see whom you will most resemble, your daddy or me. It’s strange to be so intimately connected to you, carrying you around in my body, but to have no idea who you are yet. I am looking forward to discovering all of who you are once you are here.
But little one, I am also terrified of being your Mama. It scares me so much to know that in a few short weeks, I will be responsible for you.
I really don’t know how to be a Mama at all, little one. I have been collecting good tips, reading good books and talking to friends and family who are brilliant Mamas, but I don’t know how you and I will be together. I think it will take us some time to figure each other out, to know how best to connect with each other. Maybe it will be a life-long discovery as we both grow and change in the years ahead. For now, we’ll have to just take it one step at a time. We’ll first figure out how to deal with the wildness of your first weeks on the outside. You might have to be a bit gracious with your dad and I as we try to figure out what you need. It will be hard for you I’m sure, especially after 9 months of being comfortable all the time, but I promise you, we will do our absolute best. It will be a big change for you being exposed to the outside and for us, being responsible for you, but I am pretty sure you’ll be okay and we’ll be okay together.
Once we get that down, we’ll figure out what comes next. You’ll find this out when you get here, little one, but your Mama is not good at uncertainty. She loves being in control and being prepared. Your arrival is throwing that all off and she has to figure out how to let go, to embrace the not knowing, to be willing to ask for help. Little one, you will teach me more than you can possibly understand.
The great thing is that there are all these amazing people who can’t wait to meet you. When you arrive, you will change us all into something new. You will make me into a Mama for the very first time and I’ll never lose that as long as I live. You will make your daddy into a Baba, our parents will become your grandparents, our brothers and sisters will become aunties and uncles, and our friends will become the same. Your arrival will change us all; we’re pretty excited about being something new because we are connected to you, what a gift you will give us.
For now, little one, I am loving carrying you around with me. Feeling you move every day, shifting around inside. I am reading all about what you are doing in there, how you are growing and developing, getting ready for life on the outside. I am doing what I can to get ready for you, but for now, I am soaking up these days we have together. Days when I know you are safe and comfortable in there, when I know you are fed and content. Days when we can get up and go places together without planning ahead. These days are full of so much hope and anticipation.
You will be here so soon little one, and I can’t wait to see your little face, to smell your smell, to touch your skin.
Stay safe inside for now and when you’re ready, there will be so many of us to welcome you.
With so much anticipation for when you get here,
Your soon-to-be Mama xx