There are these moments, quick flashes sometimes, when everything is right in your world. Catch them if you can.
This week has been rough. Some weeks just are I guess. It’s been a closing in on me kind of week and I’m pretty spent. But there have been these moments, all week long, like something pure and kind trying to get my attention; breaking through the heaviness with little flashes of light.
There was the Facetime call with one of my bests at 8:30am while her world was shrouded in the darkness of night and mine was just beginning to get warm from the morning sun. Just 20 minutes of chat, but my soul felt soothed and grateful.
I’ve been going for walks the last few days and found this little refuge spot. I’ve walked by it so many times before and never taken the time to sit there. This week I did and it was beautiful. A kind of sanctuary, looking out over Lake Victoria, perched on a big Mwanza rock, listening to music and tuning out everything but what was right in front of me. I watched fishermen in their boats and women doing laundry by the lake. I breathed deeper than usual and felt at peace.
Then there was taking soup to a friend who’s been feeling sick for while. It was fun to make it, to have a tangible way to try and help. It was just as fun to deliver it, her gorgeous children and her endlessly kind husband greeted me with their usual warmth and laughter. Anne Lamott says when we’re struggling that sometimes all we can do is bring thirsty people glasses of water. She’s damn right.
There was coffee and wine with friends, two of my most favourite things that when shared with others, make it all better.
And finally, there was the Brene Brown Living Brave class for this week, where she taught me about empathy and self-compassion. Watching the videos and doing the exercises brought on some big ass tears, but they were helpful, liberating, clarifying even.
This week would have done me in in the past. I would have been under my blankets feeling desperately sorry for myself by now. But I feel stronger these days, less defeated. And I am playing with this idea that there is something else, some kind of cheeky god friend who is finding her way through the cracks to show me that I am not alone, that it is not all bad and that there is still hope, that there is always hope.
When you are working toward greater freedom and liberation in yourself and exploring how to live a more integrated and wholehearted life, there are tough decisions to make and painful conversations to have. But Anne Lamott also says that when there is a lot of pain, sometimes it is because something beautiful is trying to get itself born. If that’s true, then each wave of the tough stuff is worth it. I am learning how to live a more peaceful and joyful life, one big ol’ tough step at a time. And it seems this week, I had a little help on the way.